Last night I received a called from my cousin and this is what happened:
Me: Hello!
Her: Hey! Can you keep it down, I’m on the phone here!!! (Screaming on the back) Is your mother home?
Me: Hum… yes but she is at the shower.
Her: Hey I said no fighting!!!! And Edwin no more chocolate!!! Can you hold on a second?
Me: Sure.
(Lots of screaming, loud noises, crying, something seems to be have broke and then the call got disconnected.)
Right, babies. They are so cute and funny and annoying all at the same time. I would love to have one of my own but the truth is that I can’t bear with the fact that I might not be a good mother. My father is a very bad parent, as in selfish and only thinks about how he could benefit from everything he does. What if I get that bad parent gene? Unlike me, my sister is the most motherly person I know and she is 4 years younger than me! She always knows why my little cousins are crying, knows how to pick them up and feed them. She is a natural. I’m not. I’m a mess when it comes to babies. I get all frustrated and even cried once because I couldn’t find out why was he crying. I don’t even know how to play with them. I get all awkward and uncomfortable. Needless is to say that nobody leaves me alone with their babies. Some people tell me that I just need to have one of my own and the instinct will come all by it self but, what if not?
I’m a bit selfish when it comes to my space. I like my quite daily reads, the time I send in my computer and watching my TV shows. I like not cooking on a routine and sleeping all night. A baby will mean to change and adapt my complete lifestyle since I will be putting the baby’s needs first. I think some of the reasons to have a baby are almost as selfish as the ones to not have one. I mean, for what do you want a baby? To leave have an heir, to someone to keep you company, to teach your life secrets, to have someone to love, to have someone love you or simply because you want to experience the motherly love. I’m not saying they’re wrong; I’m just saying they are pretty selfish. In my case, besides the selfish reasons of my quite space, I have a completely non-selfish reason of not wanting to break the child’s heart because I’m a bad mother. I don’t want him or her to suffer. I’m not saying I don’t want ever to have a child but I have my concerns. Mostly it comes from having a very irresponsible, selfish, cold dad. I will definitely need therapy once I fully decide to have a baby, to help me take care of my fears.
I think a child is the most beautiful blessing God made and that the love that you might experience is beyond scientific understanding but what comes with it scares me. On my sophomore year at college I had an English professor that was obsessed with feminist literature. He had us reading it every day to hand in responses. It completely changed my perception of being a mother and a wife. Many of them just wanted their freedom back, something they will never get back. I once heard that a child is like getting a tattoo on your forehead, you have to be a hundred percent sure because it will be with you for the rest of your life. Yes they loved their children but they made clear that they were suffocated by their life. If you haven’t read any feminist’s work is something like the character Lynnette from the TV show “Desperate Housewives”. She loves her kids but has a constant struggle between choosing them over her career and life it self. She has breakdowns and barley keeps it together sometimes. I’m not sure I want to live my life like that but i don't want to end up at my 50s regretting not having one either.
Some women think is wrong or maybe even forbidden to discuss such real issues. Take for example, Charlotte’s character in the movie Sex and the City 2. She is always trying to be a perfect mother and wife. She doesn’t even what to admit to her friends that her life is sometimes miserable. I think she doesn’t want to even say it out laud because it will mean that she is admitting it to her self too. Most people do this; they only talk about the wonders of being a mother. But that is so wrong with being real and letting everybody knows that you are not perfect and that having a kid sucks sometimes? Lately I’ve read a lot of good, real and raw mother’s blogs and it make me happy that there are women that are letting us know what we are getting into, the highs and the lows. Thank you!
{The giveaway winners are now going to be announced at the original giveaway blog posts. You can find them on the right side bar menu under giveaways. So go check out if you won!}
{Don't forget to vote for me at the 2010 BlogLuxe Awards, under "Best Eye Candy". Thanks and I hope you enjoyed the weekend!}
Posts
